Little Red Riding Hood
   This is a fanfic based on Lyn's Claris Project. You don't have to be familiar with her characters to like this but it may be less disturbing if you do. It is sort of self insertion except I appear as the author not a character ^^
   Sean stood near the stove in his cottage waiting for his diner to be done. His eyes lit up with delight as the chocolate chip cookies baked. He took the cookies out and was just about to bite into one when a red cape appeared on his back.
  He dropped the cookies on the floor and a basket filled with food popped into his hands.
  "What the....?"
  "Now go to your grandmothers house. She's sick and this food with help her."
  Sean looked up at the ceiling.
  "Are you a god or something?"
  "No....I am the humble author of this fic. Now go!"
  "You can't tell me what to do! And what the hell is with this cape? What am I, Superman?!" Sean asked angrily.
  "Look....this is my story and I say you have to go to your grandmother's house. And your little red riding hood so that's why your wearing that fashionable cape."
  "I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to sit here and finish eating my yummy cookies and then sleep for a few hours and that's that!" Sean leaned down and started dusting off his cookies.
  "Wanna bet?" A large mallet appeared above Sean's head. Sean looked up,grabbed the basket and ran out the door.
  Sean mumbled under his breath as he walked through the woods.
  "No mumbling! You have to skip and sing a merry tune."
  "You are INSANE! I will not skip and I certainly will not sing a merry tune!" Sean yelled,waving his arms around.
  "Don't make me use the mallet again."
  "Fine!" Sean stiffly skipped and sang 'Take me out to the Ball game' off key.
  Meanwhile the wolf,Necavi, was watching Little Red Riding Hood as he skipped towards his grandmother's house. 'What a fine feast I shall have!' he thought. He raced towards Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother's house. He broke down the door and ate her then put her clothes on and got into her bed.
  Sean arrived about twenty minutes later. He knocked on the door and a voice from within told him to enter.
  "Hey...er...grandma. I brought you some stuff."
  "Come closer my dear...I am so weak."
  Sean walked a little closer.
  "Get into bed with me my dear. I am so cold."
  Sean looked at the ceiling. "What kind of freak are you?! I don't do the animal love stuff. If you wanted the kinky guy why didn't you pick Alistair?"
  Alistair popped his head in through the window. "I heard that!"
  "Mallet."
  Sean scowled and carefully got into the bed with a leering Necavi.
  "My...what er..big eyes you have grandma."
  "The better to see you with my dear."
  "My...what big ears you have grandma."
  "The better to hear you with my dear."
  "My what a big nose you have grandma."
  "Shut up about my nose!"
  "Er...okay. My what big teeth you have grandma."
  "The better to EAT YOU WITH MY DEAR!" Necavi lunged at Sean. Sean smacked him on the head and ran for the door. It was kicked opened by our hero,the noble woodsman Claris. With a feather cap perched cheerfully on her head she burst into the room.
  "I'll save you Little Red Riding Hood!" She shot Necavi with her bow and arrow. Sean was so grateful he...."Hey Sean, where are you going?"
  "I'm going to get a drink. There must be a bar around here somewhere." he said and went off to find a bar.
  Claris was left alone with a wounded Necavi. She took him to the local law enforcement office and got a reward of ten thousand dollars which she used to buy a new wardrobe. Necavi was given ten to twenty five for the federal offense of grandma eating. Sean is still looking for that bar.
End